
So let’s just get it all out on the table up front…to say that 2016 was not the best year for me would be a massive understatement. Kind of like saying Adolf Hitler had a few character flaws, or a venom-spitting cobra might not make the best pet for your 6-year old. I mean, we’ve all had bad years, but this one? It was the queen mother.
Growing up, I was considered by many to be the “strong one” in my family. My mother had sustained severe damage to her heart as a child (courtesy of a bout of rheumatic fever) that left her in and out of the hospital for most of her life. As the oldest of 7 kids, I became the surrogate parent, always careful to maintain an air of competence and control so my brothers and sisters wouldn’t worry.
But this year, that seemingly strong persona was confronted again and again by one challenge after another – hard-hitting, painful blows that left me reeling and physically and emotionally spent. It started with a bang: in January, my husband of over 20 years informed me he didn’t want to be married anymore and wanted a divorce. Two months later, Mom was hospitalized several times due to a severe, life-threatening case of the flu. While she was in the hospital, I was 2,000 miles away going through a brutal divorce mediation process.
In the Spring, I began having excruciating headaches that at first I just wrote off as stress. Over time they got progressively worse, often developing into migraines so severe I couldn’t leave the house. I was also experiencing bone-crushing fatigue, and some days could barely get out of bed. After a visit to the doctor and some blood tests, it turned out that stress was not the only culprit; my body was producing way too much insulin, and my cells were unable to absorb glucose out of my blood. So although I was eating healthy food, my body was literally starving for energy, causing the headaches and fatigue.
Attempting to utilize the tough protective shell I had carefully maintained since childhood, to anyone who asked, I was fine, just fine, thanks for asking, but I’m a-okay. Except that I wasn’t. With my shell disintegrating, I was heartbroken, emotionally battered, and physically sick. I felt worthless, hopeless, depressed, and alone.
Fortunately, there was one thing I had to look forward to.
Serendipity – And Kittens
Every year, the mecca for pet bloggers is the BlogPaws Conference. As luck would have it, this year it was being held in June in my hometown of Phoenix, so I was able to attend for the very first time. During the 3-day conference, I was surrounded by people that I completely understood and who also understood me – we were all pet lovers who loved to write. It was like being able to breathe again. I felt energized, encouraged, part of an amazing family bigger than myself.
I also met the one who would turn my entire year around.
The first day of the conference, I was between sessions, and soon found myself wandering through the large exhibit hall filled with fascinating booths of all things pets. As I walked down one of the long aisles, I almost missed it – the small adoption booth sponsored by a local animal rescue. I happened to look down at the floor and saw this:
Although there were several other kittens playing nearby, this little girl was alone in her bed, intently focused on kneading it into submission with her tiny paws. At the exact moment I looked down, she looked up – and out of the dozen or so people standing there, she immediately locked eyes with me.
Of course, now I HAD to go say hello so as not be rude (or so I told myself). Sitting down on the floor, I reached out to pet her, and as I did, she immediately started purring and arching her delicate little back into my hand. Then she sauntered out of the bed and came right up into my lap, climbing as high as she could up to my shoulder.
She was so small that her entire body literally fit into the palm of my hand. I held her with one hand, up against my shoulder, and she immediately fell asleep.
I learned her shelter name was Gypsy, and she was about 8 weeks old. She, along with her brother and sister, had been seized from a semi-hoarding situation 3 hours north of Phoenix. There they had been taken to a kill-shelter, where the rescue organization found them and brought them here to find forever homes.
As I chatted with Samantha, the Rescue Manager, Gypsy curled herself into a ball in the palm of my hand, all dead weight, sleeping like a tiny little coma patient. When it was time for my next session, I handed her back and asked if she would be there tomorrow. Samantha said that she would be.
The Chosen One
The next day I couldn’t wait for my first break so I could see Gypsy again. After what seemed like forever, I was able to make a beeline for the adoption booth, but when I walked over, I didn’t see her. Samantha saw me and immediately warned me that Gypsy was in one of the carriers because she was simply over the whole noise and commotion of the exhibit hall and currently didn’t feel much like being social. In fact, one woman had tried to hold her 10 minutes prior, and Gypsy had squirmed to get loose and actually karate-chopped her with her tiny little paws (which I thought was hilarious). I said no problem, if I held her and she was still agitated I would give her back immediately.
Samantha reached into the carrier to extract Gypsy, butt-first. I heard her faint “eh eh eh” objections as she was pulled out and put into my hands. As she turned around and saw me, her expression immediately changed. Her little face softened, and she spun around, climbed right up onto my shoulder, and snuggled into my neck, purring so hard her entire body vibrated. Samantha said simply, “She never acts that way around anyone else but you.”
Oh, damn. Now I’m in trouble. There was no way I was prepared for this. On paper it was a horrible idea. I was going through a divorce, preparing to move out of my house, and already had two 9-year old previously-feral cats at home. My job at the time wasn’t secure, my financial situation was temporarily unstable, and the last thing I needed was the responsibility of a young and fragile kitten.
That night I barely slept. The conference was over the next day, and after that I knew I most likely would never see Gypsy again. During the night, I remember thinking I would just see her one last time in the morning, to say goodbye. Yet every time I thought about life without her, I felt a pit in my stomach – like walking away from her would be wrong on every level, a decision I would regret for the rest of my life.
Of course by now you can guess what happened. I didn’t walk away, and Gypsy, whose name is now Piper, came home with me a week later. It was the best freaking decision I’ve ever made in my adult life.
For the first time in what felt like a very long time, I had something to focus on other than myself and my circumstances. Two days after I brought Piper home, like most kittens from shelters or foster care, she came down with an upper respiratory infection that required round-the-clock care. Over the next several weeks, I nursed her through the respiratory infection, along with the episode of ringworm that followed immediately after.
In return, Piper gave me back my strength and my humanity. She had chosen ME, and in so doing ensured that I no longer ever entertained the selfish idea, however brief, of simply not waking up the next morning. She and her brothers needed me, and I would be there for them, no matter what.
Now at 7 months old, Piper still sleeps in my arms like a baby and often gently strokes my cheek with her paws. She greets me with a happy chirp every time she sees me, even if we’ve only been apart for 15 minutes. She makes me laugh out loud with her crazy antics, something it seemed like I had forgotten how to do.
The way she looks at me, with the purest of love and devotion, reminds me that I’m not permanently broken, just healing and doing the best I can, like everyone else. This amazing creature reminds me every day of the depth of love that I’m capable of feeling, and that I am worthy of being loved in return.
Yes, the timing was inconvenient. But I shudder to think what I would have missed out on had I listened to my brain instead of my heart.
Piper may not have talked me off a ledge, pulled me out of a burning building, or stepped in front of a bullet for me. But somehow, by miraculously choosing to place her trust in me and making me “her person”, she reminded me of every good thing this life has to offer – and in so doing, saved my life in every way that it’s possible for one living being to save the life of another.
Has your relationship with an animal ever changed the direction of your life? Please share with us in the comments below!
She is getting big! I too probably should not have kept kitten Roadside, but I just couldn’t resist. Glad I got to meet both of you at BlogPaws. And glad you got to meet Piper there too. 🙂
I know, I can’t believe how quickly she grew! She still has her petite face and tiny feet… I’m thinking she will probably end up being on the small side when she’s all done growing. Roadside is getting big too…he is such a cutie!!
I’m so happy that I finally got to meet you in person at BlogPaws too, and that you got to meet Piper! That whole experience was just amazing. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this story Camille. You are so brave to put it all out there. A tough and challenging year, but also full of such beauty and grace. I am so happy and thankful that you and Piper saved each other. Here is to an awesome 2017 and more new and joyous beginnings!!
Thank you so much! And I’m really looking forward to the new year and all the great opportunities for joy that I already know it holds for us. 🙂
Thanks for sharing. I too have a bestie with my Pixie bob…Mickey. Since the death of my husband in 2011. I have been totally broken with no hope of happiness ever again. But every time I’m at my lowest and can only think of giving up on life. Mickey comes to me and he loves to sit in my lap with his paws stretched up on my chest, and I feel so much love. The love and compassion this guy shows me, I know I must keep going even if only for him. He puts that smile back on my face, the one I thought was long gone…Love you Mickey!
Isn’t it amazing how they seem to know exactly when we need love and healing the most? I truly believe they have a sixth sense, and the love they give us is unlike any other. I’m so glad Mickey was there for you during such a sorrowful time in your life, and that he is helping you heal… bless his heart. Thank you so much for sharing, and I wish you both much love and happiness!
What a wonderful little kitten! How lucky we are to have had Piper come into your life when she did. I’m so glad she could see how special you are and give trust in you!
It pains me to hear what you went through but knowing that she could help you see the “Light” in a very dark period in time is such a relief.
Thank you for sharing your story with us… your blog fans/friends! Keep on writing and healing. Best Regards, Jill Stevens
Thank you so much, Jill…I’m truly thankful for your kind words and support, it means the world to me. And Piper truly is a godsend…she is definitely very special, and I’m incredibly thankful for her! 🙂
Amazing! What a gift the universe has bestowed upon you! You are stronger than you think and that is evident this past year. Here’s to 2017 being the comeback year of a lifetime! Love, love, love you !!!
Thank you soooo much! <3 Piper was sent, plain and simple, at a time when we needed each other the most... but she's given me far more than I could ever hope to give her (although I'll spend the next 20 years trying). 🙂
Thank you Camille for sharing your story. I bet a tough one to share but rewarding when Piper arrived. I believe good things will be coming your way. Stay positive and give all your love to this little angel that came to brighten your days.
Thank you so much, Ericka…I’m looking forward to brighter days ahead! 🙂
Hi Camille, what an inspiring story,
I wifh you all the best for 2017 with your little piper by your side i am sure you will get stronger and stronger,,,Animals can heal and know exactly when to come in our life ,,, when we are much in need of them
Hugs and Love
xxx
Thank you so much Baba, I wish you a wonderful 2017 as well! 🙂 And I couldn’t agree more, animals boost our immune systems and our mental and physical health – as well as give us all the love we can handle. I would be completely lost without them! <3
It was the first of February, 2017. My mother came over to check on me. Bad breakup understates. She pulled rank and made me visit my aunt with her. I met tiny Pollux the first few minutes we arrived. He had a crooked head and was the runt. I have been crying since reading your headline but the part where you said she climbed up to your shoulder… same.
I had three cats at home and my boyfriend was abusive (only to me, he loved kitties.) We were breaking up. I would soon have to move and I didn’t have much money but I took these two babies home. Pollux (I named them the next morning on the spot when mom took him to the vet) had an older brother who was protective, Castor.
I was a zombie on the ride to my aunts. I felt so little for anything. Then that cat locked eyes and climbed up me, pirching like a parrot. All night I smiled and argued myself but I knew I was about to have more babies. I was concerned about his crooked head. Aunt said he wasn’t in pain she had no idea what happened. One day he was just crooked.
Long story much shorter: Pollux was only with me for nine days. My first experience putting a friend to sleep. Castor had laid by him the first few days but then he lived at the vet while they tried to figure out what was happening. He had suddenly, my bad luck, he had like frozen. His body froze. My awful boyfriend was there for him and that was why I was with my awful boyfriend. We massaged him and gentled bathed and moved his little legs and pet him… he was so tiny. I took him to a neurologist but she kindly pulled me aside and said it was okay to say goodbye. She was telling me it was the loving choice. Hardest thing ever. I mean that still.
Castor became my best friend. Weeks later I learned I was pregnant. I wanted the baby. The baby was made from a comfort situation the literal day pollux left us…
My boyfriend was not well. Emotionally and mentally he had changed. I am sure everyone was right it’s loud be a mistake but I didn’t care. I felt it was meant to be. Boyfriend didn’t handle the news. My family was toxic except mom was pleased enough.
Castor was my side-kick. He was my car cat. We went to the vet a lot because he was having chronic ear infections. We’d stop for a taco. He’d ride with me to the post office. I went daily, sold things on eBay.
It’s been years, I don’t care how it sounds. That cat was my whole support system. Because of him I stayed calm. Because of him I knew I could be a mother. I’d never previously wanted to and there hadn’t been any accidents. I was 35.
I’d lose the baby right at 3 months. During this Castor was having more health issues. We took him to a specialist the day after I learned my baby’s heart stopped. What happened to pollux was happening much more slowly to him. He laid on my belly every night that final week. I know he stayed as long as he could for me. He was such comfort. He comforted me through Pollux and my baby. We were able to say goodbye to him at home. He didn’t have to be in a scary vet. I wish so badly I’d known I could do that for pollux.
I lost three babies in such a short time and people don’t understand at all that they were equally devastating. But also, I’d lose all three of them again. They were all worth the pain and they all changed me. I am so grateful. It still hurts my heart but I am so grateful for what they gave me, all three of them.
Amber, I’m so sorry for the delay in response, as I’ve been unable to keep up with responses over the last few months. Your beautifully written story took away my breath and brought me to tears. I’m so happy that you had the blessing of Castor and Pollux in your life… to comfort and bless you, and to prepare you for the succession of loss and heartbreak that you ultimately went through with losing your baby. Many times our furry kids are the only thing that keeps us going, and this has been even more evident in light of recent times. They are our lifelines. We would be completely unmoored without them.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your heart. I hope that you are able to bring that love to more furry kids in the future, those who need you and have so much love to give in return. All my very best to you, and thank you again. <3